Tuesday, January 30, 2007
They say that January is the month where people are most likely to feel blue. Bills piling up from over spending at Christmas, the lousy weather, the days still being too short, and realizing you haven't been faithful to even one of your New Years resolutions can make some people feel depressed.
January is also a big month for travel, especially around here. Everyone wants to get away from the cold weather and January is the perfect month to jet somewhere tropical... like my friend here. Now it's a known fact that people don't get a lot of sun up in the NW. So if you're going somewhere warm, you might want to get in a few tanning sessions before you go, so you're skin is use to the sun rays and won't fry like a big ol' slab of bacon. Like Conan O'Brien says of his pale Irish skin... "I wear sunblock 50... it actually shoots rays back up to the sun".
This funny pic was sent to my cell phone by my friend... FROM her tanning bed! She had removed her sexy mini eye protectors and exposes her bare corneas to the gamma rays (or whatever rays are used in tanning beds) just for my sole amusement. Quite frightening, don't you agree? For some reason I just can't stop looking at it. I like how her blond hair looks fright white, how the whites of her eyes look pink... she's a cross between Violet from Willie Wonka and a blue man group blow up doll. So after seeing this picture maybe you're just too scared, amused, or distracted now to be depressed. You're welcome.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
So I've noticed something lately... there's more than one way to claim your territory. If you're "the Donald" then you can opt for the super obvious and just name everything after yourself. Trump water, Trump Towers, Trump golf course, Trump; the toilet paper (you know it's coming). But if you're clever, there's a new sneaky way to mark something as yours... using only your nose.
I used to work for a certain maker of airplanes. Everyone there seemed to look the same after a while; the ubiquitous middle aged man, slightly out of shape, balding a bit, wearer of glasses. Most contained no obvious scent (thank goodness). However there was this one engineer who would come update computer programs and GOLLY he smelled good. He smelled exactly like a big ol' pile of super fresh clean laundry. I realized right away that no man would smell like this on his own and I supposed this was his wife's sly way of letting the other ladies he worked with know that he was taken. I quick glanced down at his ring hand confirmed my musings. Wow... what a neat trick.
I didn't have to look much further than my own mother for a confirmation of this tricky trend. It must be something written in the secret grandma handbook, because no matter how clean my children are when they go to grandma's house, they come back smelling different. I could send them in crisp clean clothes, with a diaper bag full of clean replacement clothes, and by the time I get back they've had baths, and everything's been washed. We're talking clothes, blankets, jackets, hats... the works. If she could wash the disposable diapers, she would. Now I'm thinking either this woman really really misses doing laundry for 4 kids, OR, she is secretly marking her grand kids with her own scent...(diabolical). Maybe it's letting the other grandma's know these babies are hers. Maybe she's letting me know she's still the alpha female of the pack. Whatever the case the new scent is there, it's strong, and by golly it's quite deliberate.
So the next time you're not sure who is whose... just take a whiff around. The answer might be right under your nose.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Ok, so it's a new year. Happy 2007 by the way. Of course everyone's into those pesky resolutions, which most predict won't last but for two weeks at the most. There's the goal to lose weight, the one to get in shape, the one where you try to be nicer to people (that means you, Rosie and Donald), and the one where you try to be a better person.
One of my hilarious friends (mother of three with a super active sassy four year old son she'd like to possibly return to sender) sent me a most amusing text when I sent her one wishing her a happy new year. It simply said:
Happy New Year.
My resolution is not to kick small children and dogs.
Ha. Now THAT'S a resolution. None of this world peace or lose weight, but one biting wish that must of come after one very long day of mothering. Matter of fact I locked that text in my inbox, so I could read it whenever I needed a good chuckle. Now of course I could resolve to blog more this year (which I will), and lose weight (which I hope), and resolute not to break these resolutions (ironic), but also maybe to resolve that I don't have to wait until I have some hilarious picture to share and the writing has to perfect before I blog. Maybe I can just lay it all out on the table, as is, imperfect and sometimes painfully funny. So small children and dogs stay out of my way... I'm gonna Blog BIG in 2007!