Hot Lava Love

You know there are those time as a mom when you are tired, worn out, and plumb exhausted.  It is those exact times when one of your little ones crawls up into your lap and snuggles with you that can make all the difference in the world.  It can change your whole day, your whole outlook on life.  It can give you that boost of energy needed to carry on doing endless mundane tasks like dishes and laundry and dinner prep.  

So during one of those extra long days my youngest (she's 4) came up to me with a big grin on her face.  She was wiggling her fingers and said what I thought was, "Mama, I'm covering you with love.... I'm covering you with love".  Awww.  My heart just melted.  Like the Grinch I could feel it growing three sizes.  I could leap tall buildings with a single bound, I could do another load of laundry and get dinner ready with one hand tied behind my back!  All was right again with the world, thanks to my sweet and caring thoughtful daughter.

My heart, now filled with love and joy, thanks to the love of a child

 Really sweetie?  You love mama and are covering her with love?  Thank you so much that was so sweet of you to say... she then interrupts me.

NO Mama, not LOVE.... I'm covering you with hot LAVA.  She wiggles her fingers sneakily again at me "I'm covering you with hot LAVA, I'm covering you with hot LAVA" while beaming from ear to ear.

Oh... I see.  Well that's a little different.  Lava. Love.  Sure it almost sounds the same....  The first way I was covered with admiration, respect and adoration.  Now I'm covered with fire red burning magma from the center of the earth scorching everything in its path. Sure.  I can see how you would get those mixed up little one.  But she was so adorable in her wiggle finger lava covering I had to laugh anyway.  So now when I think of lava I think of my heart just melting... in a good way...

How to confuse netflix

So I don't know if you to have the wonderment that IS Netflix, that handy company that mails you movies in order on your "queue", with nary a late fee, keep the movies as long as you want... the whole thing's genius really. [Side note: have you ever checked out the word "queue"?? Doesn't it seem like there's too many "u's" and "e's" in there? Like it could be pronounced que-you....But I digress] Anyway I just got a good chuckle when I read our "recommended titles" from the company. That's where they take the movies you've watched and make future viewing suggestions on things you might like based on that. Well I'm sure they must think we are insane, bi-polar, or crazy, because their suggestions look like somebody threw darts at a board to pick out what we might like next.

Well hubby loves movies, especially horror movies. I can't even watch one scary episode of Little House on the Prairie, so I can never watch all the stuff he gets. The only thing I ever rent from there are for the kids. All preschool type shows, music, Baby Einstein, etc. So when looking through our queue today I guffawed out loud. These were the suggestions: Dawn of the Dead, Tinkerbell, Halloween, Psycho, Fisher Price Little People, and The Legend of Hikimo #3, Sword of the Seven Blades. (That last one there is a throwback to when my stepson use to rent a zillion Japanese anime movies every summer). I love it. Horror, babies, anime...I think we've thoroughly confused the netflix master computer. Throw in an "Abba's greatest hits", Pokemon and the Orange Island II (cause they couldn't cover it all in Orange Island I?), and "Xanadu" and you've got yourself a swirling vortex of a movie mind jumble.

A Golden Boy Comes in Handy

My wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days. It will be seven years. He's the greatest really. Funny, kind, hilarious, eternal optimist, hard worker, the ethics of Gandhi, and the patience of Job. So it's no wonder that he's been given the title of "Golden Boy" by friends and coworkers alike. Things always seem to go his way if you know what I mean. Some have even accused him of living on or under a rainbow. He has a knack for tact and timing. Where I'd jump in and mess things up, he'll wait til just the right time and things will go exactly according to plan (It's almost annoying actually). He's patient too. He's very good at planting seeds in those with authority over him, cultivating them for very long periods of time, and by the time they come to the conclusion he had already engineered out for them they are whole heatedly on board and think it's their idea to boot. Not to mention they feel an teensy bit smarter because of it. It's like "dang that was a splendid idea, so glad I thought of it."

Just this week it was proven again in the form of a free plasma. Heck not only was it free, but they paid him $34 bucks to take it off their hands. How is this possible you ask? Well it's all in the day of the life of a Golden Boy my friend. OK technically it wasn't "free" but pretty close.

We bought a plasma last March (with a 3-year warranty) and last week the analog cable channels and some of the inputs just stopped working. They don't make replacement parts and instead wanted us to bring it in to swap it. Then it turns out they don't carry that particular model anymore (perhaps because it's prone to break in under a year?) so they were going to give us store credit. There was a better brand on sale which we considered upgrading too, but the day he called there were none in stock. He decided to wait (patience again) til Saturday because they told him they might be restocked then. He pops by the store on a whim and someone had returned that same better brand and now it was "open and out of the box" and discounted $300 LESS than ours. So he runs home to rip our broken plasma off the wall and in the 25 minutes it takes to get back to the store they had already sold it. 

Now I'm sure you're like... WAIT a gosh darn minute here. If he's really the "golden boy" like you claim why was it gone when he got there? Well don't worry kids, this of course has a happy ending. Well since our plasma was off the wall and ready for exchange he had to basically exchange it for one in the store. There happened to be another great plasma perfectly new and in the box that would fit us to a "T". Turns out our store credit not only covered the brand new plasma, but the warranty on the plasma was cheaper than our original warranty, so all in all he walked out of the store with a brand new plasma AND $34 bucks in his pocket as they paid HIM the difference. Our new warranty by the way will last til 2011. So we have a year newer TV, an extended warranty, and they PAID us to take it home. Incredible, isn't it? Feel free to shake your head in wonder at the amazing powers of my Golden Boy. I'm just glad he's on my team...

Get your freaks here...

So here's another great sign from www.engrish.com. Apparently all the freaks in Japan are 75% off now, which I think is a great bargain. Matter of fact now that it's February, the month of Love... or month of "Lub" as my husband calls it, it's time to reminisce about those terms of affection we call our significant other.

If you settle for the mainstream you're probably use to hearing the basic sentiments, like honey, darling, and dear. Then there's the super sweet terms that are mostly reserved for the newlywed set, like sweetie, honey lamb, sugar pie, sweet cakes. If you're marriage is on the rocks you might go with the more gruff "hey you", or "yo jerk" or "hey loser". Or if you're marriage has lasted over 50 years you probably just resort to a series of grunts.

Now hubby and I have two sets of terms of endearment. One is cutesy cutesy and the other is of our own making. OK, so the cutesy one goes like this. I call him honey bunny and he calls me sweetie peetie. (I know, gag). The other sentiment we use is short, practical, and to the point... sort of like a verbal shorthand. I call him freak and he calls me leech. To the outside listener this might sound a bit harsh, but freak has become a term of affection in our house. If you are deemed a "freak" consider yourself in fine company. Our definition of freak is someone who is an original, an evil genius, someone who does something so off the wall, you're impressed. Then there's "leech". Normally a blood sucking worm-like creature but in the hands of a loving relationship it becomes a term that means loyal, steadfast, and "I can't live without you".

It makes me wonder what other couples are calling each other? Feel free to add your own endearments in the comment boxes. I can't wait to hear everyone's nicknames for each other. So enjoy this season of "Lub" (that's lub and not lube), oh wait, maybe it's both...? and, oh yeah... you're a freak!

Outsmart the Fart!

So we have a phrase at our house that I'd like to share with you. It's called "Outsmart the Fart". It's a great phrase, has two separate meanings, and it's so catchy and fun to say that I can see it easily sweeping the nation in the not too distant future. It originated from one of our classic kitchen white board moments, where you blurt out something with out thinking and it becomes an instant family classic.

Well as some of you know, if one were to "pass gas" so to speak, that gas (seemingly thicker than air) can quickly immerse in and around said farter. If that same said farter were say, to directly walk into the room, the gaseous cloud would waft on in right behind them thus leaving the entire room to smell the inner workings of their bowels.

HOWEVER. If a fore mentioned farter started out in the direction of the room, but quickly and without provocation doubled BACK from whence they came, (rightly confusing the noxious fog) then whip around in an rapid about face before traveling into the new room, the lost fart, not knowing which way to go would head in the opposite direction, and all in the room entered would be safe. Soon, it became a matter of courtesy. If a smell lingered about you, politely "double back" before entering a new room... and the phrase "Outsmart the Fart" was born.

Now the phrase seems to pop up whenever we talk about trying to outsmart a clever person or find the most desirable conclusion to tricky situation. For example: Hey your boss wants you to work this weekend but we've got those concert tickets, we should try and "outsmart the fart" and see if you can get out of it. Or borrowing from my many new motherhood experiences: Hey we want to eat some ice cream but we don't want the baby to see, so we'll have to be sneaky and "outsmart the fart" so they'll still want to go to bed on time. Remember, it's a great multipurpose, catchy phrase. So feel free to take our "Outsmart the Fart" and run with it... just be sure to double back first.

Painful Timewarp

So what the heck happened to June... or the end of May for that matter? Nothing like having a new baby to make you lose all sense off time and space. What with all the early morning feedings, burpings, and endless diaper changes, makes ya wonder how people don't go loopy at the thought of it. Matter of fact, while trying to type this very blog I was puked upon and had to go give a bath and clothing change to the little one, not to mention myself as well. It should also be noted that I am typing this entire entry with one hand, as I am now re-feeding the baby and balancing the end of the bottle with my chin. Damn, if only there was an Olympic medal for multitasking...I'd sweep up.

So much time has passed since my last entry that it would be safe to say I've fallen victim to what we like to call at our house a "painful time warp". Many moons ago... ok like 5 years ago (what's that, like 60 moons?), when I first got married to my hubby, I inherited teens (his teens, two of them) - who turned out to be quite funny in their own right. Hubby and I happened to be in the kitchen and step teen #1 was around the corner in the living room, talking loudly and right in the middle of a long story. She was moving about while she talked and all of the sudden made this squeak/scream/gasping noise accompanied by a thunk (like she had fallen down) - then dead silence. We both looked at each other as the moments ticked on without a sound... then she all of the sudden started talking, picking up right where she left off, like nothing had happened. No explanation of the horrible noise was given. Suddenly we both started laughing and I blurted out, "What the heck happened, did you fall into a painful time warp?" It was like she'd been sucked off the planet for a few seconds (painfully) then placed back in the same spot, just a few seconds off, with no recollection of being gone. And thus, a new family phrase was born. So if you ever have a span of time you can't quite account for, chalk it up to a "Painful Time warp".