Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Who's afraid of a Christmas card??

See this pretty Christmas card? Does it frighten you in anyway or cause you to be suspicious of the sender? Does it cause you a panic attack or a sense of anxiety? Well it scares the living crud out of me... but then again I'm warped. I'm so jaded now when it comes to opening simple emails and attachments now a days and it's not even my fault. What pray tell, happened you ask?

OK so maybe six months back I got an email. It had to do with mazes. I love puzzles so I clicked innocently on the site and started maneuvering my mouse through a series of mazes. The instructions said to turn the volume up so I did. About mid way through the third (and progressively difficult) maze the screen changed to a horrific picture of the girl from the exorcist with the green eyes and the loudest scream you ever heard. I literally jumped out of my skin and freaked out...heart pounding and chair rocketed back two feet I could barely click on the mouse to turn the darn thing off. (Darn and I would of won a LOT of money on America's funniest home videos if anyone would of thought to tape me)

I HATE scary movies. I never watch them. I've never seen the exorcist. I've never seen Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Aliens, Saw, Hostel, anything scary. I don't go to haunted houses put on by radio stations. I can't even watch "the rapist" episode (as my sister and I call it) of Little House on the Prairie. Even if I catch a small part of a scary movie or TV show I'll replay that one scene over and over in my mind. My dad use to scare us just for fun growing up. I use to joke with my husband my home growing up WAS a haunted house, so I don't need to visit one voluntarily. I think the one scary movie I did see in a theater was Arachnophobia. What did dear old dad do? Well while we were at the movie he went and put 100 brown plastic spiders all over our house so when we got home we were already jumpy from the movie and come to find "real" spiders all over the place. NICE, right??!! Took weeks for us to find all those little buggers.

So fast forward to this last holiday season. Someone sent me a Thanksgiving email link that played this beautiful holiday table with candles and lovely music. I watched it four feet away from the screen, volume down, and through both hands over my eyes. My husband thought this a laugh riot but I was seriously scared something bad would pop up. During Christmas I got this lovely e-card. It featured an interactive Christmas wonderland where you could click on different parts of the picture and make it snow, light a gazebo, it was very nice. 

I was so scared to click on anything I made my husband do the whole thing first to make sure it was "safe". If someone sends me a video file I cringe and make him look over it first. How stupid is this? But I can't help it... my online trust has been shattered. I'm not quite sure how to get it back. Most people actually find this story funny. Heck you should hear what happened the other day during a pottery barn delivery... ok well nothing happened technically but the potential something in my head was very amusing. I'll blog about that next time. Stay safe out there people.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Disasters... horrors...

This could also be called the "kitty litter clump story"

So I have a disgusting story. It has to do with toddlers, and cat feces. Yum. Still want to listen? OK, but I warned you. So like I said I'm a mom with three girls under three. It can get quite tricky at times making sure they are all happy and well taken care of. My three-year-old, the most clever of the bunch, will actually wait until I am completely indisposed, like feeding the newborn to come up with her most devious tricks, and loves to drag her younger sister in on all the high jinx. Let me tell you she is lightning fast too. By the time that "hey the kids just got too quiet" moment of silence, followed by an urgent sense of panic, it's probably too late.

So in the two minutes it took for me to start feeding the baby, the oldest and the middle child have slipped out of range, down the hall, and have fallen immediately silent. The first time I check on them they are playing nicely in their room. Phew. False alarm. After a few more minutes I notice it has grown quiet again. By the time I set down the baby and walked down the hall to find them (literally a two minute window we're talking) they have made their way into the bathroom. They have uncovered the top lid of the kitty litter tray and the 19 month old is playing with the poo and litter like it's a sandbox. Litter and chunks are all over the bathroom floor. What's the three-year-old doing you ask? Well she's smearing/spreading litter on the middle child's head... and in the mean time has also pooped her pants. It's takes a good 15 seconds for me to absorb the horrible scene before my eyes before I start shouting NOOOOOO! Where does one start? The poo on the floor? The 19-month-old covered in litter? The 3-year-old with the poopy diaper with the proud triumphant grin?

I start with the most mess, which happens to be my usually sweet middle child. I try to brush off as much loose litter as possible then strip her naked and run the bath. After putting her in the water I immediately try to rinse out some of the litter from her hair. Instead of washing away it begins to clump and cling harder to her head! I realize now (two seconds too late) that litter is formulated to CLUMP when WET. Uh-oh. Now there are huge chunks of litter stuck to her hair and head. GROSS. 

I try a comb to scrape it out... no luck. Finally I find a nail-scrub type brush and start to rub the litter out of her scalp. It finally starts to break apart and the bath water turns an eerie gray color. After what seemed like forever her head started to look like regular ol' wet hair again. I drain the tub, put in fresh water, then give her bath number two. By then the newborn is crying so I hurriedly get the 19-month-old dressed, change the 3-year-old poopy diaper, and rush down the hall to feed the baby. I didn't even have time to clean up the bathroom, just left the poop and litter all over the place and closed the door behind me. Matter of fact I didn't even venture up stairs for the rest of the day.Later that night that turned into a little present for daddy when he got home. Ah the joys of parenting... I think I need a vacation, um and it's only January.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Happy 2008!

So I only have a few moments to myself here to welcome you to 2008! You see I'm the busy mother of three girls under three. Yes I'm crazy, yes I'm fertile, yes as I'm typing this I'm afraid that it just suddenly got quiet in the next room and all manner of disasters could of occurred with the oldest two even though they are 20 feet away and within earshot. OK, I'm back. False alarm. The oldest one has crawled into the crib with the middle one and they are singing and jumping. Hey at least they are self contained.

So even though I really love blogging the actual odds of getting to chance to do it are slim to none. Well if the planets aligned and the gods looked favorably on me (thus in that maybe 2/3 of them were napping) then I might jump in here to share a wacky story or two, then of course I will. Probably the time would be better spent grabbing a bite to eat or going to the bathroom or throwing the laundry in the dryer but alas I must make time for ME too... right?

Anyway hello to you my blog, my sanity, my 2 minute escape. I hope we can continue to entertain each other. HAPPY NEW YEAR
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