|Oh hi! I'm your worst nightmare!
I'll just give you a moment to shudder.
So, I've got like, two hot seconds to figure out what to do next because I'VE GOT EXPLODING SPIDER babies ready to infiltrate my house. I'm the only grown up in the house (#adultingsucks). I'm trying to remember... where in the heck did I get these curtains from? Amazon? Walmart? Did they come from Mexico? On slow boat from China?... Great! Now I'm thinking this was a stowaway renegade deadly Mexican spider, that had hidden away in the curtain lining until it was safe to have her babies and today was that day. ARG!
My two older girls head for the hills (immediately run as fast as they can down stairs to safety - thanks for the support ladies). I'm pretty sure they left a cartoon-type cloud of dust they moved so fast.
My youngest is at least brave enough to hang out in the doorway, and even grabbed the vacuum and plugged it in for me (my new favorite child, and hey remind me to update my will). My heart is beating out of my chest because they are HATCHING right now and moving away from the nest. I can't have a bunch of baby spiders living in my daughters room, because she will never EVER go in there again.
How am I going to do this from the WRONG side of the curtain? I'd have to climb behind and be in there WITH the spiders to be on their side. No way Jose. I can take the long wand of the vacuum and slide it behind the curtain, and then I'm going to make tension on MY side of the curtain, and hopefully a miracle will happen. There's no way I can fail at this. If even ONE of them gets away, there's just no point of living in the house, right?!
|Keeping this small for your safety
So I summon all of my courage and move the vacuum nozzle up towards the many, MANY spiders... and I am terrified to move in any closer. What if the mama spider runs down the nozzle onto my hand? What if they all fall to the floor? As the barrel of the vacuum gets close to the area, it suddenly sucked the whole curtain area into the hose with a tremendous WOOSH!
Holy CRAP what have I done!?
I just watch helplessly as the curtain is sucked further and further into the barrel of the vacuum wand. Can't I just leave it like this for the next 5 years?
Ever so slowly... I pull out the curtain with my hand that's on this side of the curtain (keeping the tension) and.. everything is still there.
The spider was pretty ticked off too. Hopping mad actually. Running around in that tiny slot of the curtain. Then, I almost fainted. I was literally shaking. In hindsight it's probably not good to faint in front of an angry spider and her hundreds of babies...
|Note to self, don't pass out in front of angry deadly multiple spiders.
The whole damn thing was gone!
Mama spider, baby spiders, egg sac. The whole nine yards!!!
I'm pretty sure Jesus himself made the spiders vanish because I absolutely don't know how all of them could be gone.
|Thank you Jesus!!!
I lock the vacuum rod back in place, hopefully sealing them to their doom. (And when I say HOPEFULLY I mean if there is any justice in the world they will stay in their little dust cavern for all of eternity)- or until my husband can dispose of the contents in a safe and responsible manner, probably out in the middle of the street, and shortly after that I can set the vacuum on fire.
You know, just to be really REALLY sure they are gone.