Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Fight, Flight,... or DISCO!

I have a very funny story.  Well, it didn't start out so funny, it started out with our house being egged.  Emergencies are funny.  You never know how you're going to react. I'd like to preface this story with a little about me.  I'm a scaredy cat.  The house creaks I'm telling hubby to check it out.  There's a knock at the door and I'm sure it's a home invasion as opposed to the UPS guy.  I'm a mild mannered mom of three that normally frowns on aggression.  So in light of that... I'd like to entitle this story: Fight, Flight,... or DISCO!

It was pretty late on a Sunday night, about 11:30pm.  We were both down stairs, I was going through some paperwork and Mr. D was watching some TV.  All of the sudden, something crashes into our front window.  HARD. It sounded like a rock. I stand up, I say something just hit the window.  Hubby stands up, grabs a little ceramic pot that holds our mail key and makes his way over to the window and flings back the curtain with the small pot held aggressively over his shoulder.  He says "it's was an egg". 

Most people in our neighborhood are sleeping by this time, and I wanted whoever to know we were awake and MAD.  So I ran to the front door, trying to peer out into the yard to see if I could see kids running away, anything.  I decide to flip the front porch lights on and off repeatedly (super fast) to let them know we're not going to take this lying down! I do this for a full 30-40 seconds. But wait, I'm not done.  I decide I'm going to go hunt them down in my car.  Hunt them down in my car?  Who the heck am I, Rambo? Where did this come from?  Oh well, you egg my house? We're on, let's ROLL.  I throw on some pants over my pjs, get in my car, and open the garage door.  I rev up my Mazda protege engine like I'm gunning as lead car in a drag race (who knew I had this in me).  I rev my engine even higher with my brights on (hopefully scaring them if they are hiding) and drive past our entire yard (passing hubby who is calmly washing the egg off the window with the hose and yells at me not to burn out my new clutch). I then drive out the back gate onto the main road and head out almost to the gas station, see nothing, turn around, drive down a block the other way, see nothing.  I think, they are still hiding in the neighborhood.  A former sweet and nurturing mom, with three car seats in the back, is now on the prowl!

I then proceed to drive through our entire community, down every street, like I'm a cop from the 70's on my assigned beat.  I go over to the park, I pull my car down the path (normally reserved for bikes) and rev my engine a bit, flash my brights hoping to flush them out of hiding.  I continue my rounds, asking one guy out on his porch smoking if he's seen anything, he says no. Down a different street I pass a random family eating dinner in their garage (at 11:30 at night, weird, but I keep moving). 

Then I decide I need to do a little stake out.  I park the car at the corner of our property, which gives me a view of my house, yard, the street, the gate, the road towards the mail boxes, not to mention my rear view of the street behind me. Then, like that freaky liquid metal cop in Terminator II, I scan the horizon dramatically from left to right for a good 10 - 15 minutes, never taking my eyes of my surroundings. Engine off, car lights off.  Listening.

I'm not even sure I blinked this entire time. If anyone had filmed me I'm positive I looked EXACTLY like the T-1000. What am I going to do if I actually SEE something?  A group of kids?  A group of gang bangers?  What if they have bats, guns, eggs?  Am I going to run them over? Rev my engine at them?  Where's my phone?  Oh yes, inside on the counter. Genius.

After what seems like a dark silent eternity I'm about to call it quits when zooming through our back gate is a red mini van with a few people in it, windows down.  I think, oh crap, they are back, they are not on foot, and I am now going to get shot.  They zoom around the corner and pull up right next to me.  Now I can see it's one of our neighbors.  I roll down the window, he says.  Did you see any kids, there were six of them...our house got egged.  I'm like, they got our house too, I've been out looking for them!  He zooms off in a rage and I decide to go inside and call our HOA president (she's a night owl, I know not only is she up, but she would want to know about it).

Long story short, she makes a few calls, one of our other neighbors had spotted the group of 6 teenagers with a box of 5 dozen eggs, had followed them, called 911, and tracked them down at the gas station behind our community.  Two cop cars were there and 3 out of the 6 boys were caught!

Bad boys bad boys... what cha gonna do?  What cha gonna do when they come for you.
Justice!!   Way to go community!  Cue the A-team music here. By the way, that same good Samaritan neighbor who originally spotted the tyrants, (and who I'd like to forever refer to as "Batman), also went back and washed all the eggs off the cars and houses at midnight, letting the neighbors know so there wouldn't be any remaining damage. What a guy! I love our neighborhood.

I get back to the house and slowly start coming down off my adrenaline rush.  Hubby is there.  It's quiet.  All of the sudden, we burst out laughing.  I'm talking hard.  He mocks, so what was up with the blinking lights? Like, if you see disco lights, you are DEAD.  I try to justify it. If I was a kid hiding in the bushes and the house lights went crazy, I'd be scared.  He says, if someone had been watching from across the street, the house blinking like mad, me zooming out of the garage like Marty McFly in the Delorean, it would have been hilarious to watch.   I say, well what was up with the small ceramic pot with the mail key, were you going to throw it through the window?  We laugh harder.  He says, I wonder if there will be reports of a crazed souped up Mazda tearing through  the neighborhood, along with a red mini van with guys hanging out of it?  Seriously, I was laughing so hard I went into a coughing attack on the floor.  Little me, mom of three, out for justice late at night, by myself, out to rev up and run over the world. Punishing the world with rapid fire disco lights.  Rest in peace people.  Jenn is at the ready.


The Husband said...

At the time, I wasn't expecting the "fight" mode. When you got into the car, I was sure it was "flight mode". This stems from the time I came home early one day, unannounced, and you heard a noise (me) downstairs, so you grabbed the girls and started to 'escape' out the front door.

Jenn said...

Nope, the car was fight mode!

Anonymous said...

Your mom says....Oh my gosh that is hysterical...you are your father's daughter!!! At least you put on pants unlike your dad who many times chased out the front door in the middle of the night in his underwear to get the bad guys! Good times!

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